Biker joke - The crusty old biker

A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of nowhere,
parks his bike and walks inside.



As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads:



COLD BEER: $2.00



HAMBURGER: $2.25



CHEESEBURGER: $2.50



CHICKEN SANDWICH: $3.50



HAND JOB: $50.00



Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole' biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of
sun-wrinkled farmers.



She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.



"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "may I help you?"



The ole biker leans over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"



She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes, yes, I sure am".



The ole' biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well, wash your hands real good,

‘cause I want a cheeseburger".

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Biker riddle.

What do you call a brand new motorcycle?


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A starter kit!

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Sven & Olie

Since my last post was about the change of seasons, hot and cold, and since Joker made the comment that we all talk funny here in the Midwest, this joke could not be more fitting.

Sven and Ole join an outlaw motorcycle club, and get drunker than skunks. They die in a motorcycle accident and go to Hell.

The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves.

He says to them 'Doesn't the heat and smoke bother you?'

Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of

snow an ice, an ve're yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya

know.'

The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the

heat even more. When he returns to the room of the two guys from Minnesota ,

the devil finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling Walleye and

drinking beer. The devil is astonished and exclaims, 'Everyone down here is

in misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves?'

Sven replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve don't git too much varm veather up dere

at da Falls, so ve've yust got ta haff a fish fry vhen da veather's dis

nice.'

The devil is absolutely furious. He can hardly see straight. Finally he

comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been

cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in Hell.

The next morning, the temperature is 60 below zero, icicles are hanging

everywhere, and people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail,

moan or gnash their teeth. The devil smiles and heads for the room with Ole

and Sven. He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats,

and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming

like mad men.

The devil is dumbfounded, 'I don't understand, when I turn up the heat

you're happy. Now its freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong

with you two?'

They both look at the devil in surprise and say, 'Vell, don't ya know, if

hell iss froze over, dat must mean da Vikings von da Super Bowl!

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One Liner Biker Wit

Rule of thumb........ When you are working on your motorcycle, and your hands are all full of grease, it is then that your nose will itch, and you'll have to pee.

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biker joke

God and the Biker

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A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.

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'The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

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The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. I want you to take a little more time and see if you can think of something that could possibly help all mankind instead.'

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The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know what she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.'

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The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

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Biker joke.........Too Little, Too Late

Doug Klassen from Fourty Years on Two Wheels had recently posted his rendition of what a biker means in What's in a name. http://40on2.blogspot.com/2008/08/whats-in-name.html

According to his image of a Biker, the 60's version of a ruffian hoodlum on two wheels, here is a very fitting joke.

A regular Joe is at the Pearly Gates, hoping to be admitted.

St. Peter says to the guy,

"I can't see that you did anything really good in your life, but you never did anything bad either. I tell you what, if you can tell me one really good deed that you did, I'll open Heaven's Gates to you."

So the guy says,

"I was driving down the road and saw a gang of bikers assaulting this poor girl. So I pulled over, got out my car, grabbed a tire iron and walked straight up to the gang's leader--a huge ugly guy with a studded leather jacket, bald head but with hair all over his body, and a chain running from his nose to his ear.
Undaunted, I ripped the chain out of his nose and ear and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and, wielding my tire iron, yelled to the rest of them, "You leave this poor, innocent lady alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!"

Impressed, St. Peter says,

"Really? I can't seem to find this in your file. When did this happen?"

"Oh, about two minutes ago."

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Biker joke

Friendship among regular folks:

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A man didn't come home one night.

The next morning he told his significant other that he had slept over at a friend's house.

The woman called his 10 best friends.

None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Bikers:

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A biker didn't come home one night.

The next morning he told his significant other that he had slept over at a friend's house.

The woman called The biker's 10 best friends.

Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.

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Biker Joke ....... What's in a name?

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone.

She approached him and introduced herself as Carmen.

“That's a beautiful name,” he replied. “Is it a family name?”

“No,” she replied. “I gave it to myself. It reflects the things in life I like most - cars and men.”

“What's your name?” she asked.

He said, “Harley Titsenbeer”. “Nice to meet you”.

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Biker joke (Warning) "mildly explicit"

Three men, a Doctor, and Lawyer, and Biker were sitting at a bar drinking, and shoting the sh*t.
They got to talking about what they got their wives for their last anniversaries.

The doctor took sip of his martini and said I got my wife a diamond ring and a Mercedes. That way if she didn't like the diamond ring, she would know how much I love her because of the very expensive car I bought her.

The lawyer took a sip of his scotch and said I got my wife a pearl necklace and a trip to the Bahamas. That way she would know how much I love her, even if she didn't like the necklace.

The biker took a big swig of his beer, farted, and burped, and said I got my wife a Harley t-shirt, and a vibrator. That whay if she didn't like the shirt she could go "F" herself.

Ba-Dum-Bum

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Good biker joke

HOW TO STOP CHURCH GOSSIP

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose in to other people's business.

Several members did not approve of her extracurricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

One day Mildred made a mistake.
She accused Frank, a biker, and a new member of the church of being an alcoholic after she saw his Harley parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

She emphatically told Frank and several others that everyone seeing his motorcycle parked in front of the bar during the daytime hours would know what he was doing.

Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment shook his head, hopped on his bike and rode away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny... he said nothing.

Later that evening, Frank quietly pushed his Harley in front of Mildred's house... walked home.... and left it there all night.

You gotta love a biker!

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